Now before you understand in full why am I am so highly irritated as I am over what amounts, in retrospect, to a series of minor nuisances, you need to understand the concept of realities. Today for example I have two realities, well infinite realities really but only two I want to discuss. One, in which I spend the better part of the afternoon in the tender embrace of a particularly well-endowed female who may or may not have been topless. This was the reality I had really been hoping for. Of course, that had been the reality I was hoping for more or less every day since I was twelve, but on this particular day the proper arrangements had been made with a consenting well-endowed female. Now the other reality was very different. In this other reality, my car preformed an amazing transformation by converting itself from a fairly adequate means of transportation to a very large paperweight that pinned me squarely to a couch in a car maintenance park. Don’t get me wrong, the good people of Triple-A were remarkably friendly and, as a stranded motorist, I couldn’t have asked more from a towing industry, but they lacked that personal attentiveness I had rather been expecting when I woke up this morning. Now it isn’t really fair to say that every possible thing that could go wrong did go wrong, the aforementioned W.E.F. was not furious; which, at the very least, preserved the possibility of future embraces; tenderness and dress code to be determined. Now I realize that this wasn’t the worst possible reality I could have suffered today, but given the fall from what was planned to what, in time, occurred I feel my irritation is well enough justified. And if you disagree; that’s your right, just as it is my right to politely request you fuck off.